Watching your teenager write essay drafts over and over can be just as stressful to the parent as the student. However we need to keep them calm during this process. It is natural and appreciated that parents want to help their children succeed during this important time. Our good intentions stem from a desire to support and guide our students through a challenging process. Additionally, some parents may truly believe that they have a deeper understanding about what colleges want to hear in an application essay. In addition parent may also feel pressure to make sure their child makes the “right” choices, especially when deciding which colleges to apply to or what to include in their application. However, what a parent thinks is best may not always reflect what the student actually wants. This can cause students to feel overwhelmed or disconnected from their own college experience. We need to be aware of these factors when trying to help. The question is how much help is considered to be too much.
The College Essay Is Supposed to Sound Like the Student
Parents may feel they know how an essay should be read and what a student should discuss in a personal statement or another, shorter essay. However, if a parent loves a particular place, topic, or subject and has tried to instill that love in their high schooler over the years, that doesn’t mean the student should write about what the parent loves or deems most important. We don’t want the essay to sound like it was written by a highly educated adult with knowledge beyond the years of a seventeen year old. The admissions office is admitting your teenager, not the parent.
The essay process is meant to help the student explore their interests, likes/dislikes, etc., and determine which topics are most meaningful to them. Oftentimes parents feel like the topic their teenager has chosen is not a good one. It’s easy to want to jump in, start researching, and take over the process, but this could cause your teen to feel like their ideas aren’t being considered and could actually lead to more stress and writer’s block. College admissions have been so competitive these days, and parents just want to help put a plan in place and provide some direction. There must be a way to strike a balance and allow the student to be in control of the process while still weighing in with questions.
What Parents SHOULD Do: Be a Thought Partner
It is important to realize that time spent brainstorming or writing is never wasted. Some students may want to bounce ideas off parents. In contrast, others who wish to write about sensitive familial issues prefer to work with a trusted college advisor, write an essay on their own, and have a non-family member review and critique it. Whichever approach the student chooses, the parent should be willing to ask questions to help the student reflect on their life up to this point, remind the student of meaningful experiences they have forgotten, brainstorm ideas, and proofread essays the student is willing to share with the parent. At the same time, parents should respect their child’s desire for privacy or independence in the essay-writing process. If a student asks to keep some drafts or topics private or indicates that they prefer feedback from someone else, it is important for parents to step back and honor those boundaries. This respect can strengthen trust and ensure the student’s authentic voice comes through.
What Parents Should NOT Do: Write the Essay
It may be tempting for a parent to write the student’s essay for them, especially if the student seems frustrated or is experiencing writer’s block. However, the parent should refrain from drafting the essay, although, as mentioned above, the parent can be a thought partner and resource for the student to discuss different essay prompts and possible answers to them. It may be tempting for a parent to write the student’s essay for them, especially if the student seems frustrated or is experiencing writer’s block. However, the parent should refrain from drafting the essay; as mentioned above, the parent can be a thought partner and resource for the student to discuss different essay prompts and possible answers.
Instead of taking over the writing process parents can support their teenager by helping them brainstorming or ideas, organizing their thoughts and then creating an outline. Encouraging students to express their authentic voices is crucial, as admissions officers look for originality and personal reflection. Parents might ask open-ended questions to prompt deeper thinking and help the student clarify their goals and experiences. By providing a supportive environment and constructive feedback, parents empower students to develop their own writing skills and confidence. This process not only results in a more genuine essay but also fosters essential skills that will benefit the student in future academic and professional writing tasks.
The Difference Between Editing and Taking Over
Especially when time pressure is on and a deadline is approaching, some parents may be tempted to take over writing college essays. This is not advisable because the student is the one applying to college, and excessive assistance from a parent could undermine the student’s confidence in their abilities. The student has reached the final year of their high school career and is looking to study at an institution of higher learning. Therefore, the student should be capable of completing the tasks involved in writing college essays.
Although a parent can certainly review, proofread, and provide thoughtful critiques of essays, actually writing an essay on the student’s behalf should be avoided for a variety of reasons. Instead, supportive feedback can look like asking clarifying questions if something in the essay is unclear, such as “What did you mean here?” or “Can you explain this part in more detail?” Parents can point out sections that are confusing or where the student’s unique voice shines through, and encourage the student to expand on those moments. Offering suggestions for improvement without rewriting sections helps maintain the student’s ownership of the work while providing guidance they can act on.
Practical Tips: Questions Parents Can Ask Instead of Giving Advice
Parents can ask their soon-to-be college student questions rather than telling the student directly what they think the student should do. Such questions can include:
* “What do you want the admissions officer to understand about you?”
* “Why was that experience meaningful to you?”
* “What did you learn that changed your perspective?”
* “Does this sound like something you would actually say?”
* “Is there a more personal story behind this?”
Also, the college essay prompts are designed to be thought about, so just going over the different prompts with students is one way that a parent can be a guide or sounding board for a teenager.
When It Makes Sense to Bring in an Essay Coach
As adolescence is a time when teenagers are individuating and defining themselves in opposition to their parents, there may be tension in some households during the college essay-writing period and the broader application process. Signs that involving a College Essay Coach may be helpful include persistent disagreements between parent and student, stalled progress on drafts, or the student feeling overwhelmed by the process. In these situations, a neutral third party, such as a College Essay Coach, can help the parent and the student avoid unnecessary conflict during the essay-writing process. The College Essay Coach will work with a student as a trusted advisor and editor, facilitating the essay-writing process. A College Essay Coach won’t write the essays for the student, but will brainstorm with them, suggest possibilities for how questions might be answered based on information the student has provided about themself, and review and edit drafts. The College Essay Coach will ensure that the essays reflect the student’s own voice and that the situations described are relevant to both the questions being answered and the student’s assessment of themself as an individual. Greenhaus College Consulting provides College Essay Coaching services and would be happy to help your family navigate the essay writing process.
The Greenhaus Perspective on essay writing for Parents
Your most IMPORTANT Role- Be a cheerleader and encourage your teen to write their personal story !
A parent’s role in the college essay-writing process should ideally be supportive but not overbearing. Your child is a senior in high school and should have developed solid writing skills by this point. Although the personal statement and other shorter college essays are not like typical essays students write in English or History class, your student should have some sense of who they are and their interests up to this point. As mentioned previously, the college application process is a stressful time for many families.
To help alleviate stress, parents can encourage their child to take regular breaks during the writing process, celebrate small milestones such as finishing an outline or a draft, and remind their student that progress takes time. Creating a positive environment where students feel comfortable sharing their thoughts—and feel supported regardless of setbacks—can make a big difference. Parents should focus on creating an environment where their high schooler can think, reflect, revise, and ultimately submit something that feels authentically theirs. An effective and memorable college essay is not an essay that the parent would write or has written; it is an essay in which a college admissions officer can glean the most information about the applicant and in which their positive qualities shine through the prose.
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Need help writing a strong college application essay? Greenhaus College Consulting provides personalized college essay help and expert college admissions consulting to help students develop authentic, compelling essays that stand out to admissions officers.
From brainstorming and outlining to editing and final revisions, our experienced consultants guide students through every step while helping them maintain their unique voice. Schedule a consultation with Greenhaus College Consulting today and take the next step toward a stronger college application. 858-204-0659- Call today!
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